Shattered

I spend almost every Saturday morning with a wonderful group of guys at the church.  Most of the time I really want to be there.  But I have also found that even on those rare days when I feel like sleeping in, being with the guys always proves to be the better alternative.  There is just something about being around this group of imperfect men struggling to know Jesus better.

This last Saturday, though, I decided to stay in bed.  The truth is that much of the time life remains unimaginably difficult for my family.  And, I just get to the point where I feel so worn down that I need to step back and rest.

It has been over two years and nine months since Jonathan was taken from us, and the void that was left in our lives still hovers constantly.  As we approach our third Thanksgiving and our third Christmas without him, I cannot help but reflect on the great times our family always had this time of year.  But I also have to brace myself for the unbearable pain that I fear is waiting in the shadows.

Increasingly I see the visible evidence of the toll that the last couple of years has taken on all of us.  I see it in our eyes and I hear it in our voices.  It does not seem to hide as well as it once did.

I know that as followers of Jesus we do not grieve as those who have no hope -- we will see our son and brother again.  And, I am confident that someday Christian and Dani will find a way to live normal lives again.

But for now we are still navigating -- still trying to discover how to pick up the pieces in our collective lives that have been shattered.  I thank God, though, that we remain close -- supporting each other as best we can through this unspeakably difficult time.

I want to thank again all of you who continue to pray for us.  We have some unbelievable friends, and I do not know how we could have survived without you.  

Even in all of this God is good.