Advice and Counsel

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." Proverbs 15:22

Some time ago a friend who was going through some difficult marital issues asked my wife, Pam, for advice. It seems this woman was getting advice from many of her family members and friends -- some of which was conflicting. At the end of the day, all of this "advice" left our friend more confused than anything else.

Pam is really good at helping people sort through issues in their lives. This time, though, Pam did something that I suspect many of us rarely do -- she confessed that she did not know the right answers but agreed to pray about the situation. After her prayers, Pam encouraged this lady to stop listening to all of the advice she was getting and to go see a professional counselor or a pastor. Hard to argue with that!!

Its no secret that we all need the counsel and advice of others from time to time. That need can, and does, exist in virtually every aspect of our lives; our work, our relationships, our finances, our education and, of course, spiritual matters. One thing we need to remember, though, is that not all advice is created equal.

It seems like these days we are inundated with advice and opinions. Everyone from Oprah, to Dr. Phil, to Brittany Spears seems to think they have the answers to life's questions and life's problems. But, whether we are seeking professional help or the counsel of mentors or friends, or [cringe] listening to the "wisdom" of talking heads on TV or the Hollywood types, I think it is increasingly important to be discerning about the sources of advice we solicit and accept.

We need to keep in mind that whenever anyone gives us advice, whether that person is a professional counselor or a good friend, that advice is based on the life experience of that person. It may come from their observations and their own struggles, it may come from their education, it may come from their religion (or the lack thereof), it may come from their personal sense of right and wrong. And THIS is the problem.

I know quite a few people who are really big on giving advice to others. I sometimes find that the view of those folks is obstructed by planks -- meaning they are often the last people who should be giving anyone advice. I also find that the advice given by such people is often built on a shaky foundation, or sometimes no meaningful foundation at all -- meaning that if you asked one of these folks what their opinion was based on they would be hard pressed to give you any real answer.

A few years ago, for example, I heard a very "successful" lawyer tell a group of young professionals that life is short and that they should do whatever makes them happy. At one point in her speech this lady encouraged anyone in a "bad marriage" to just get out of it. As a Christian, it was easy for me to see that this person's advice was not consistent with biblical teaching. But, it's not always that easy to tell.

Before we solicit or accept any one's advice on a matter of importance, we need to know what kind of world view that advice is tethered to. That doesn't mean we should never get advice from non-Christians. It just means that when we do we need to think about that advice in the light of what the Bible says or suggests about the issue.

Even someone who wears the label "Christian" may have views that are shaped more by the popular culture, humanism or astrology than by the Bible. So, that is not a litmus test either.

Counsel and advice are good things. But, if its an important issue I want to get advice from people who look at things from a biblical perspective and who seek God's wisdom first. I guess this is another reason we all need to spend time in God's Word ourselves. Its hard to be discerning if our own views aren't firmly anchored there.