Sunday, February 7, 2016

Reality Revisited

Every once in a while the reality of our situation revisits me.  Those painful things that normally run in the background find their way to the forefront.  It is inescapable, necessary and ultimately even desirable -- as strange as that may sound.

Over the past few weeks, despite all the media build up, I was mostly oblivious to the fact that Super Bowl Sunday was creeping up on me.  The press of ministry, family or other business mercifully intervened.  Perhaps God spared me the daily reminders.  But its coming was all the while inevitable.

Like so many things on this particular journey, I suspect both the conventional wisdom and the so-called "experts" would have told me that the days leading up to the event would be worse than the event itself.  It is a myth that, at least for me, has proven itself to be untrue time and time again.  Today, like so many other milestones and anniversaries, proved to be everything I imagined it would be and more.  I simply cannot separate the spectacle of the biggest event in American sports from the most painful moment of my life.   Everything about today is a vivid reminder of that terrible phone call -- that moment that changed our lives so dramatically.

I don't really love the pain.  Nor do I fear it.  What I do fear is forgetting.  I fear my memory fading, or even getting to the point where Jonathan himself seems more like a dream than an intricate part of my family and my reality.


Saturday, February 6, 2016

Blessing and Favor


A couple of weeks ago I was asked to preach on, of all things, the blessing and favor of God.  (A link to that sermon can be found below if you are interested.)  It is something that for reasons I don't need to go into here would be difficult for me to teach about even in the best of circumstances.  But honestly, it seemed like an impossible task for me to address that subject in this particular season of my life.  The last two years have just been too painful -- I have felt anything but blessed.

God reminded me that Sunday of the blessing in my life, and interestingly has continued to open my eyes to the truth of that spiritual reality in the days since.  Even in the worst of circumstances, those who believe in Jesus can find God's blessing and His favor if we just open our eyes and see.  We are, after all, declared righteous by the blood of Jesus, and as the psalmist says:

But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
    let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;
    you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Which brings me to my point today.

Last Wednesday night we were talking about the gospel -- and specifically about both the responsibility that we all have and the urgency we should all feel to reach people with the good news of Jesus.  To me, at least, it was a weighty night.  It was just one of those nights when God's presence felt so heavy and the challenge so great that all we could do at the end was sit quietly and contemplate what God had spoken to us through his Word.

Afterwards though, a young man came up to me who was so excited it was as if he was walking on clouds.  And honestly, at first his emotion and what he was saying didn't make sense to me in light of what God had done that night.  I guess my expectation was that the mood would be somewhat solemn as we contemplated together the weight of the gospel.  But he was anything but solemn -- he was bursting with joy.

But, I think I finally figured it out.  And, this is something that we must never forget. 

As believers, we definitely need to grasp as best we can the weight and urgency of the gospel.  Our love of Jesus and our love for others compels us to share the good news.  We, like Paul, should be so consumed by the weight of the gospel that we are willing to become slaves to all -- to become whatever we need to become -- so that some might be saved.  Complacency is just not an option.

On the other hand, must never lose sight of the fact that the gospel itself is ultimately freeing.  It frees us from the consequences of sin, and also from the chains of the law.  That freedom is obvious enough.  But, oddly, it also frees us from the burden of our own selfishness.

I think the reason the young man the other night was walking on the clouds was because he realized that the weight of the gospel at the end of the day was nothing compared to the burden of living life selfishly.  He could, perhaps for he first time in his life, remove the chains of his own ambitions, aspirations and desires, and start living the real life that is found in the freedom that comes from serving others.

Our God is a God of paradoxes!!

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple."

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


"Paradox:  a statement or proposition that, despite sound (or apparently sound) reasoning from acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that seems senseless, logically unacceptable, or self-contradictory."


Blessing and Favor

Monday, February 1, 2016

Don't Look Back

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

                                                                      Philippians 3:12-14


Like anyone who has lived on this earth for any meaningful length of time I have made my share of mistakes -- and then some.  Despite those mistakes, though, I have never wanted to do it all over again.  To be honest, part of the reason I have not been interested in a "do-over" is that life is hard and I really don't have a desire to go through the hard times twice. 

The other reason is that on some level I have always ("always" meaning once I got old) realized that without the hard times and the mistakes I would not be where I am today, or who I am today.  God has the opportunity to use suffering, even when self-inflicted, to do something good in us -- if we are willing to learn.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

                                                                                                       Romans 5:3-5


This past Saturday a good friend of mine lead our Saturday morning men's group in a discussion about the first Beatitude -- "Blessed are the poor in spirit."  Being "poor in spirit" is ultimately the recognition that there is no good thing we can really do apart from Jesus.  And, humility lies at the very heart of our ability to follow Jesus completely.  The fact is that for most of us discovering humility pretty much requires being crushed first by a very large rock!  Suffering ultimately produces character .. and hope.  For this reason, we should never despise, or even feel guilty about, either our past mistakes or our past suffering -- as long as we have learned from them and made amends along the way.

Still, one morning not too long ago I was thinking about these things, and for the first time in a very long time I did wish I could start again.  Not from the beginning mind you.  And not so I could avoid the mistakes, or the heartaches, the second time around.  I just wanted to start from the day that Jonathan was born.  I wished that Pam and I could relive every second from June 10, 1986 until February 2, 2014.

I wished I could take him home from the hospital again and give him his first bath.  I wished Pam and I could just sit still and marvel over his tiny fingers and toes, and how beautiful he was.  I wished I could teach him to ride a bicycle and take he and Christian out to play paintball.  I wished I could drive him to college for his move into the dorm, and talk to him about his first real job.  I wished I could tell him to stop spoiling Dani, and that there was no room in her closet for another pair of shoes! 

Look, I fully understand that God has and will continue to use this horrific tragedy for my good, as well as for the good of Pam, Christian, and Dani.  I realize it has tested and strengthened all of us.  And, I fully realize that Jonathan is in a better place.

But I still miss him so terribly much.  And, that is all I can think about today.


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