Just today I realized that, although June is upon us, I have only posted on this blog twice in all of 2015. It is not that I lacked the desire to write. Nor was it a lack of subject matter or writer's block-- there has actually been plenty to capture my attention in 2015. Rather, what has been lacking is either the time or motivation in the moment. It seems like I have been too busy to come up for air most of the year, and when I have had time to write I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I sometimes wonder if people are tired of hearing about the struggles my family continues to face in a world where Jonathan is no longer with us. I know that has dominated my writing over the last year and a half. How could it not?
I also wonder if anyone really cares about my perspectives on what it means to be a follower of Christ, the current state of the church or theological matters. Through it all, Jesus has remained my passion in life -- perhaps more so than ever before. At the same time, I find myself increasingly frustrated with an American church that seems content with "business as usual" in the face of a world that seems to be unravelling before our very eyes.
In any event, in two days it will be Jonathan's birthday. He would have been twenty-nine. It is beyond imagination still how one of the greatest days in our lives could have become so painful and so dark for both Pam and me ... and for Christian, Dani, Tommy and so many others.
I have so many vivid recollections of the first few days of his life -- from the long drive to the hospital, to those magic words from the doctor ("he's was a boy"), to the family and friends who came to see Jonathan for the very first time. I remember how happy Pam was to be a mom. I remember feeling overwhelmed by both the joy and weight of fatherhood.
I miss him so much. When I think about the fact that I will never see him again during my time on this earth it is beyond overwhelming. It is crushing.
As June 10 approaches, your continuing prayers for our family would be appreciated.
2 comments:
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Mike and I always look forward to your blogs - you are an amazing writer - heartfelt, inspiring, truthful, and your love for God and your compassion for His people is always evident... Still thinking of writing that book?
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